I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
