My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
