I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize