You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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