All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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