I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
