I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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