remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
