I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this boner is exhausting
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
