OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
