the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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