oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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