I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
