uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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