Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
