I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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