I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
