Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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