I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
