I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
