handjob tips. give me some.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
