Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
