They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
