five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
