Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
