New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Vodka?
Forever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize