So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
