we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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