Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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