I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize