Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize