i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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