I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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