My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
4 words: hood of his car
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
