one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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