Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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