He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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