I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
