i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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