Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
