I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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