Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
