By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
