Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
