There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
