I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
