Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
