I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
