Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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