There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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