Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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