me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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