While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
