Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
