When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize