i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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