My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
