were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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