accomplished twins. life is a go
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
