I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
