I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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