So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
