Is it because I queefed?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
