Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
