we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
