So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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