plz talk dirty to me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
