I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
