I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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